It’s hard to believe that I came home from the hospital a week ago today.  I still have band-aids and a gauze bandage over my incisions, but the stitches come out on Monday.  They’re starting to be itchy so I know they’re healing up.  Yayyy!

I went for a driving outing today, my first time out since I came home.  It was weird to be driving during the middle of the day on a weekday.  Usually when I’m out driving to run errands, it’s a busy weekend afternoon.  I’m on familiar roads and looking for lane changes and parking.  But today it was crisp and clear day.  The leaves are mostly turned and fallen to the yards and sidewalks in big piles, though there were some faded gold holdouts.

I went to Walmart looking for sugar free Torani syrups.  Hungry Girl talks about them a lot and uses the syrups, not in fancy coffee drinks, but to flavor shakes and in other recipes.  They’re popular on the banded community to add variety to protein drinks.  Though available online, I wanted to see what I could score locally, and rumor had it that Walmart had a small supply.  I bought everything I found (which wasn’t much) – vanilla, caramel, chocolate, and raspberry.  I can see myself adding some into yogurt when I’m able to eat it.  I’m really craving a gingerbread flavor and may resort to buying that from Amazon.

Coming home I got lost and ended up in a nice little meandering side trip that was calming and mind-clearing through back roads, soft hills, and the unmistakable feel of late fall.  I know we have some warmer weather coming up this week (62 sounds very balmy at this time of year) but I also know it won’t last, so better to enjoy what I have when I have it.

For exercise I walked up and down all the aisles of Walmart, even the food ones, as well as a loop at the complex.   I could feel almost every step and every deep breath in my upper left shoulder, something that seems to be not uncommon for bandsters.  Right now I have a heating pad on it and am planning to sleep on the right side tonight since it’s sore.

My body feels more sensitive, or else I’m just more aware of it.  My tummy is sore only in the middle; the other incisions itch but look pretty good (I peeked when I replaced band-aids). My hair is falling out a bit, more because I was cutting back on food pre-op than because I’m not eating now, tho I’ll pay for this later.  I get hungry but not in the before-hungry way; my small Ensure meals do fill me up and I’m drinking all the time.  My face looks thinner and every morning the scale drops a bit – not leaps and bounds, but I’m down to territory I haven’t seen in almost 4 years.

It feels good to have some time off work, to sleep until Tessie and I wake up (yesterday was our 2nd anniversary together).  To watch West Wing episodes in the morning, then taking walks, futzing around the house, playing with the kitty, and catching up on things left undone, followed by more walking.  All with a water bottle in my hand and my tiny measured sips of Ensure.   I’m almost completely caught up on my sleep and am ready for new things.

I read up on all of this stuff before the surgery – before even committing to the surgery.  And I sort of wondered at the time how it would actually work to be on clear liquids for two weeks.  Well, clear liquids plus 8 oz of Ensure or Boost, delivered as four 2-oz portions.  Sounded kind of silly but it was an improvement over the 1-oz serving they gave me at the hospital after I had the barium test and had proven I could actually swallow.

But the reality is different.  I drink  64 oz of water and Crystal Light a day, plus my single can of Ensure spread out into 4 meals.  And I’m really full.   I forgot that I could also have sugar free popsicles until today, but just nibbled on an Hawaiian pineapple pop and it was soooo tasty.  I don’t know when I move from one stage to another, but as long as I’m in the clear liquids stage, there’s no point in being whiny about it.   Changes will come when it’s time.

I should be out walking more and I promise that tomorrow I will take 3 walks outside instead of the one outside and one inside.   My concern is that as the pain meds become a thing of the past (yes, that quickly – go figure), my knee and back pains are coming back.  In the hospital, they didn’t hurt at all.  But now, yeah.   So it’s a line to walk between getting the exercise in, and I know I need it, and taking care of the other pains.  It’s also colder out so the arthritis is kicking in.

But excuses are not acceptable.  One thing that’s to my advantage while I’m staying home for this recovery period is that I have a crack at the fitness center here in the complex.  Mostly I avoid it like the plague because 1) it’s small, 2) equipment doesn’t always work, and 3) the student residents seem to have claimed it.  Hopefully during the day it might be easier to get in and use a treadmill or maybe the elliptical.

So the plan for tomorrow is to actually walk up to the main building and ENTER the fitness center to check it out.  The walk alone is more than I’ve done in quite a while (and it’s not even that far, I’m just lazy) and it will be a good goal.  If I’m tired, I’ll just rest up there for a bit before heading back, which is downhill anyway.  And I will come back knowing what, if any, the options are for me up there to use while I’m home and unable to drive.

I feel pretty good, just a little tired and sore around the middle when I move weird.  So far, so good!

I sit here in my robe with my feet up, cat by my side, watching NCIS reruns, and sipping 2 oz of Ensure butter pecan supplement out of a Watford (not Waterford – better!) crystal cordial glass.  This is dinner, and I’m to take an hour to do it.  Actually, that seems pretty ambitious.  I also have a glass of grape Ocean Spray powdered drink, a much better version of Crystal Light.

My hospital stay lasted just under 36 hours, from admitting to discharge.  The surgery went very well and I was kind of shocked that I walked right into the OR instead of moving on a gurney.  Gave me more of a sense power even though I really didn’t have any.  The room was full of people, including a senior anesthetist and a nurse pretty much dedicated to holding my hand (at least while I was awake, which didn’t last long).  They all introduced themselves to me. told me their role in the procedure, and got me all settled.  I didn’t even have an IV until I got into the OR.

The surgery went fine. I have five abdominal incisions – four small 2 cm. incisions, and one much larger just left of center (or right as I look down on it), where the port was sutured to the muscle wall.  That’s the sorest spot.  But there were lots of very good drugs to manage pain and nausea, and since my surgery was at 7:30am, I was out of recovery and up in my room by 9:30.  With lots of time to doze and sleep and doze and talk to my mom while very groggy, and sleep again.  By afternoon I was mostly awake and making sense.

My roommate was a woman in her mid-30’s who had a gastric bypass with a surgeon in practice with mine (and a few others).  When we were both awake at the same time, we took walks down the halls together, pushing our little IV units in front of us.  The nurses thought we were cute.  We also spent time talking about why we chose the options we did, what we expected, what we were afraid of.   Very supportive at a time when we were pretty vulnerable and physically uncomfortable and in pain.

My hospital had two colors of those unisex double-sided hospital socks with little designs in rubberized stuff so you can walk down the hall without slipping – blah taupe and bright red.  The red ones are for people who are fall risks (which included me, because of my bad knee and recent lurchy walking).  There are pictures of the Ruby Slippers from the Wizard of Oz outside rooms of patients with that risk, and signs that say Call don’t Fall. The idea is that the Ruby Slippers patients need help to get up out of bed, into the bathroom, and walking around.  Once I was awake and alert enough to manage okay with close supervision, than I moved up to the “we just keep a watch out for you” stage.  At least the red slippers had more style than the other ones.

I’m starting to feel pretty sore and think perhaps it’s time for me to take a little walk. It’s good to be home.

Thanks, everyone, for your good wishes and comments as I’ve made my way to this point in the journey.  Now there is nothing left to do (except do more cleaning and I’m so not going there) except get a good night’s sleep, wake up at 4:15 so I can be clean, shampooed, dressed, and ready for the 5:30 am cab.  I need a lot of time in the morning to wake up, hence the extra time.  Plus I need to cuddle the cat.

I’m to be up in the surgery department at 6:30 am, which means I have to go to admitting first.  Sunrise is at 7:20 tomorrow morning, and I should be in the OR shortly thereafter.

I’ll check back here and on Facebook to let y’all know how I’m doing.  Thanks again for your support!

My “pre-op to do list” is covered with scratched out entries, with a few left to do on my Wed. day off.   I’ve stocked up on 5 million flavors of Crystal Light and Ocean Spray sugar free drinks, and vacuumed and cleaned bathrooms.  Dusting and cleaning the kitchen comes Wed.  My sorority pin is cleaned and will be mailed tomorrow to my old chapter.

Prescriptions have been turned into crushable or liquid forms.  I ordered new winter boots and shoes.  Food that I know I won’t eat has been given to the food pantry (if sealed) and mostly tossed if open.  My glasses were adjusted.  Bills are paid.  Tubs of protein are on the way, and my Bari-Bear is ready for me to hug tight when movement and pain are hard.

Today I had this plan of having one last meal of pancakes because I love them and haven’t had any in a long time.  I checked the menu and knew what I would order.  Except when it came down to it, my tummy didn’t want it and I decided the rest of me didn’t, either.  I was frankly afraid I would be sick on all the sweetness.  I’ve passed multiple ice cream opportunities and didn’t even blink for one last taste; I just didn’t want them.  I did opt for lunch at McDonald’s but a single hamburger, small fries, and water didn’t blow my food plan for the day, and I’m satisfied. I’m not eating low-carb all the time, but definitely most of it.

My two weeks of clear liquids will mark a clear break from old habits, and I’m almost there.  Thank God.  This waiting time has been way too long.  Am I worried?  No, but I am anxious about dealing with it alone.  I have family and tons of friends who care about me, but I’m a long way from most of them, and I know I will be in a lot of pain when I come home – if not from my stomach, then from my poor pitiful knee.  I will be fine, but I just want to get on with it.

In response to the hair style poll on my last post, I told my hairdresser yesterday that I needed to have it trimmed and shaped but to let it grow some more.  I think she thought I was kidding about asking my blog readers what to do with it, but I really appreciated the direction!  I looked through a bunch of old photos this weekend and saw quite a variety of body shapes and hair styles – and the thinner me looked cute with shorter layered hair, but the fluffier me definitely looks better with longer locks.  There’s always room to cut it off later but I’m not a Tressy doll with a button on my back to make the hair grow or shrink at will!

Speaking of thinner, I’ve now lost 42 lbs since April 3rd.  It’s finally starting to show up enough that I’m down sizes in pants, tops, underwear, and bras.  I’ve done some massive weeding of the things even I think are too loose to wear now – and I’m someone who thinks loose=fitting, since tight=too small in my head.  I tend to want to hide the lumpy areas under looser more A-line tops that don’t cling to my hips and look weird.  I’ve watched enough Stacy and Clinton to know what I should wear but finding it is another story.  It will be interesting to see how that changes as I move down in size ranges to different stores.

My lapband surgery is now 11 days away and I swing between anxiety and readiness to have it done and start the next phase of my life.  Many bandsters (as they call themselves) call it their second birthday because everything changes from that point on.  If, of course, the bandster actually follows the very tight rules about what you can eat at what stage of the process.  There are definitely people who get themselves into big trouble by continuing to eat the levels of food they were eating pre-surgery.  Um, doesn’t work like that.

I’ve been running around a little like a headless chicken, though without the blood, working on my pre-op To Do List.  I’m stocking up on assorted flavors of Crystal Light, fat free broth, and small bottles of Boost, which are the only things I can have for the first 2 weeks post-op.  Note that I can only have one bottle of Boost per day, divided into 4 2-oz. portions.  So I don’t need TOO many bottles!

My doctor doesn’t want his patients to take pills for 2 months post-op, so all my meds need to be switched either to liquid form or be crushed before I can take them.  I talked to a pharmacist this week to find out which fall in which category, and was dismayed to discover that the stuff I take for my knee inflammation isn’t available in liquid form and cannot be crushed.  I need to talk to my primary care doc tomorrow to see what my options are.  It doesn’t help at all that I can’t take such medication AT ALL for 2-weeks pre- and post-op.  My knee already is telling me that things are not normal.  A new study cane is in order for the next few weeks.

Last night I went through my Flickr pictures and made a set of favorites.  Take a look if you have a chance!  Right now it’s 41 degrees with steady light rain, and I’m not planning to go anywhere.  I have some house cleaning to do, laundry, bill paying, and lots of tidying.  Time to get to it.  Thanks for listening to my rambles.

I had my last glass of Diet Coke on Sunday, and poured the rest of the big bottle down the drain.  That was it.  What seemed to be crazy back in August became reality.  I weaned myself off of not only Diet Coke but also anything carbonated (I used to love to combine 1/4 part juice to 3/4 part carbonated flavored water).  Yayyy me!  I’m now downing bottles of water and Crystal Light, and low-fat milk at lunch, and more or less sloshing through the day.  But I’m already happy with the  lighter grocery bags not loaded down with soda, and figured out that I’m saving something staggering like $700/year or more by sticking to water.  Yikes!  I can do a lot with that $$!

I’m trying to decide what to do about my hair – it’s driving me crazy as it grows out.   I’m not completely sure why I decided to grow it out in the first place and it’s looking sort of scraggly in an in-between way.  Do I stick with my plan and continue to grow it out?  It’s reached a length where I can hardly see any of my earings (which I do wear one at a time, in case you were wondering).  But it feels kind of girly to be longer.  Of course, I’m not a girl, I’m a 55-year old woman and I don’t want to look like the Before person in a Stacy and Clinton makeover.  Please, please, keep Nick away from my head!  But what should I do?

Did you get your flu shot?  Not the H1N1 version, the one for regular seasonal flu?  I got mine yesterday on campus after standing in line for about 3 minutes.  A simple verification that I’m not allergic to eggs and never had a bad reaction to a flu shot, a little stick, a round bandaid and I was on my way back to work.  Most of my colleagues have had their shots, those who aren’t home sick for days.  Now that our staffing levels are reduced, one person’s absence really makes more of a difference than ever before.  But I don’t want germy people who are feeling lousy to come into work and that includes me.  I do better work if I’m healthy coz my head doesn’t get all fuzzy.

I had a great trip to Chicago last weekend.  The flights were on time and even landed early.  We escaped the tornado watches/warnings.  The AALL work went extremely well; the committee members were in synch and pumped to select and schedule67 programs from 192 proposals for next year’s annual meeting.  You learn a lot about how and how not to write a successful proposal.  It’s amazing how much following directions makes a difference.

After the meetings, I spent the rest of my time with my best friend Phyllis and her family.  She’d moved to a new (to her) house and this was my first time to see it.  I”m a visual person and it helps enormously to be able to picture someone in a place – provides a context.   We went out to eat, played with the adorable shih-tzu puppies, checked out estate sales and did a little shopping – and talked and talked non-stop.  We haven’t seen each other in far too long and this visit was very needed.  Love you, Phyllis!

This weekend one of my errands is to visit the General Nutrition store to investigate samples of whey protein.  Although the expectation is that I will be eating real food as a lapbander (though not in the first two weeks post-op), many patients report using powdered protein in smoothies and to mix in with other foods like soup, pudding, and cottage cheese to boost the protein levels.  I’m to eat a minimum of 60 gm of protein per day and the more I eat, the more I’ll lose – except my hair, which would start to fall out if protein levels fall.

But I need to be able to eat it, not gag.  And obviously all protein powders are not created equal.  All I know is that whey protein is the way to go, and I want to figure out what I want to at least start with since I won’t be out driving around for a week or so post-op.  If you use protein powder yourself, let me know what you recommend.  I’ve heard good things about Unjury, Optimum, and Isopure – but haven’t tasted any of them yet, so what do I know?

I’ve been running around like a crazy person tonight after getting gas and making an ATM stop on the way home from work.  I vacuumed, changed the litter box, did laundry, packed, sorted out my computer and paperwork stuff and made a fuss over the cat.   The clock goes off at 4:00 am so I can finish up in the morning, cuddle the kitty, and head for the airport.  Since I am totally not a morning person, this will be interesting.  At least this flight doesn’t leave at 6am; those are the pits.

This is a short combo work/play trip.  The work is first — meetings on Friday from 1:00-5:00, then again on Saturday from 8:00-3:00.  We are selecting programs for our professional association’s annual meeting next summer.  I’m chairing the committee next year so I’m shadowing the current chair to learn the ropes.  My best friend is picking me up after the Saturday meeting and we’re going to just hang out and visit for the rest of the weekend.  It’s not a long visit, but it’s long overdue.  I head home on Monday around noon.

Five weeks from today is my surgery and I have lots to do before that.  Many medical visits for pre-op tests.  My health plan requires that I do the EKG and bloodwork at the health plan building, then go to the hospital for the rest of the pre-admission screening.  Though I’m not totally sure what else there is at that point.  The schedule is getting crowded, though, and I hope I can keep it all straight.  Plus other stuff like haircuts, oil change, cat to the vet for checkup, visit to the nutrition store to check out protein powder, etc., etc.

For now, though, it’s Chicago on my radar.  As soon as CSI is over, I’m off to bed so I can wake up way too early and start the weekend.  Have fun, everyone!

The clothes I’ve been wearing lately have gotten loose (or in some cases, started to really fit properly for the first time in ages).  The pants are silly coz they stretch out a bit when they’ve been worn and look even bigger.  But my biggest concern really was the bras.  The ones I’ve been wearing have been stabbing me with the underwires which is not the way I prefer to go through my day.  My plan was to drag out the sewing machine and try another little repair job (this is not the first time the evil wires have been a problem).

Instead, though, I went shopping in my dresser.  Stuffed in the back of the top drawer were some old bras from the “before days.”  I did not expect them to fit but since the newer ones were hopeless, I pulled one out just to see how far I needed to go to get into it – and it FIT.  Honestly, it feels so much better and is staying in place the way the newer ones have been doing lately.  Because, um, they were too big.

Interesting.  It’s kind of novel to think about clothes being too big.  My idea of fitting is actually being loose instead of hugging lumpy curves.  But I’ve lost almost 36 lbs and it’s obvious that it’s time to look at those clothes in the closet and tucked away in the chest just in case.

So I tried on a few more, some pants that I thought were wayyyy too small – and they are small, but I can see myself wearing them again by November.  I haven’t worn them in over two years.  I tried on some sweaters and things that were impossibly snug almost fit and will be available to me when the weather changes enough to need to actually wear sweaters.

I know, of course, that with the WLS this fall, that my shape will be changing and I need to really pull out what’s stored away and separate it by size, using Vickie’s criteria of “would I buy this again?” rather than just “does it fit?”  Most of us have a ton of stuff in different sizes that we bought because it fit but once we had it home and wore it a few times, we realized that Stacy and Clinton would not approve.  I’d rather have a small wardrobe of things that look good on me than more clothes that make me look not my best.  That goes for coats, too.  I already have another bag of clothes to drop off at the Salvation Army today.  Makes room for me, gives good clothes to someone who needs them. That’s a win-win situation in my book.