Random Thoughts of a Disordered Mind

Doing nothing

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I haven't had a vacation in a very long time – going to see family is important and I'm glad to do it, but it's not the same. I can't even really remember when I spent time doing nothing and it was HARD, so I think I need to schedule more of it so I can be sure I get the whole thing down pat. My mind was still running hard, trying to figure out what to do with information I absorbed at the conference I just attended, and just sleeping until I woke up and piddling around the house seemed so aimless. But it was sooooo restful, even if I did spend more time on email than I should have (I still have 300+ messages in the mailbox – yikes!).

Food is harder to deal with when I'm home, especially when I get out of the routine and sleep later than usual. I can just wander into the kitchen and eat something all the time, even when I know I'm not really hungry. I try to not have the foods around that are easy for me to just overeat but sometimes those redlight foods jump out of nowhere from foods that used to be safe.

I'm watching What Not to Wear with a woman with huge boobs trying to find clothes to fit. That's not precisely my problem – I'm more pear shaped with bigger hips than up top – but one thing they said tonight stuck in my head. That what's important is not to worry about what size the garment is, but to fit the largest part of you and tailor the rest of it to make it a custom fit. That's rather a novel concept for me, who wants to just walk in and pull something off the shelf and it NEVER HAPPENS.

When I was in Denver I went to the Talbots Woman's store and bought two jackets. I can't believe I did it, because I really wasn't planning to do it. I still may take one or both of them back. But what mattered to me was the process of trying the clothes on and really putting myself in the hands of the very professional tiny woman who worked with me. She knew her stuff and didn't push me to buy anything as much as she wanted me to find things that really fit me well. Clothes that are well made and are fitted properly really do make a huge difference. I think I need to save up more to make fewer shopping trips to places with better clothes. Sigh. And sort out my size so once I buy something, I don't get bigger.

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