Random Thoughts of a Disordered Mind

More than food

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I can't stand the idea of a life where everything revolves around food. Sometimes it certainly feels as though it's all I think about from the time I wake up until the time I fall asleep, and sometimes my dreams even have dancing pizzas and chocolate chasing me down the street. Funny, vegetables don't ever feature prominently in my dreams.

Fun FoodBut I hate that I have to think about it all the time. Planning meals, counting points, cooking, trying to figure out how to eat more so I don't feel deprived, wondering if I can go out and be social and eat something, judging myself for making the wrong choice. Do I want it, do I need it, can I live without it. All food, all the time. Blech.

I wish it were easier so I could just plan simple meals, enjoy my food, and get on with life so that eating was just one part of it instead of the central part. Maybe I'll get there sometime but right now that's a long way away.

How do normal people eat, people who don't have food issues?  I don't really have a clue and I don't think they give lessons in it.  Well, WW teaches us about eating.  But I wish I could open people's heads and figure out what makes them tick to stop at 1/2 a cookie instead of eating a whole bag, or let the bread go moldy because they just forgot to eat it.  That just completely is beyond me.  Sometimes I'm able to put it in the disposal or squish it with dish soap so it's completely inedible – but that's to keep myself from eating it, not because I don't want it or I forgot.  

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