Treading water

Sometimes it's hard to move forward with this weight loss thing and the best I can do is tread water so I stay put and don't go backwards.  And yes, it's definitely better to maintain than to pile on more pounds.  I haven't been able to get motivated to really string even a week of "good" days together much less the months of them that I originally had 4 years ago when I went to my first WW meeting.  Well, okay, the first this time around – it's definitely not my first try.

Treading waterSo what's stopping me?  I don't really know.  I'm lazy and don't want to do that hard work and feel deprived as I've always felt deprived.  I don't want to look at the 100 pounds I have to lose still – it's overwhelming to even think about, though it's a lot less awful than what I faced when I started.  I'm bored with what I've been doing, the routine of food and exercise (or lack thereof with my pre-surgery knee).  

I'm also tired of feeling squished into clothes and chairs, uncomfortable being seen in shorts walking on the street on a hot summer day (not being in them, but being seen in them – different things).  I'm afraid of going to the family reunion next month and of the comments of my cousins and well-meaning helpful words of others in the family.  My knees are in bad shape and more weight is not making them better – taking off even 20 lbs now would be a big help medically. 

I have a choice here.  I can choose to be stuck in the "I don't want" and "I'm afraid" and the negative crap that is holding me back.  Or I can decide that I'm worth it however long it takes.  And really mean it this time.  The theme of the week this week in WW meeting was affirmations and I need to figure out what mine are.  That is my assignment for the week – that and eating thoughtfully and enjoying what I eat so I don't cringe at the idea of doing this for the rest of my life.  My legs are getting tired of staying where I am. It's time to do something else.