Random Thoughts of a Disordered Mind

Treading water


Sometimes it's hard to move forward with this weight loss thing and the best I can do is tread water so I stay put and don't go backwards.  And yes, it's definitely better to maintain than to pile on more pounds.  I haven't been able to get motivated to really string even a week of "good" days together much less the months of them that I originally had 4 years ago when I went to my first WW meeting.  Well, okay, the first this time around – it's definitely not my first try.

Treading waterSo what's stopping me?  I don't really know.  I'm lazy and don't want to do that hard work and feel deprived as I've always felt deprived.  I don't want to look at the 100 pounds I have to lose still – it's overwhelming to even think about, though it's a lot less awful than what I faced when I started.  I'm bored with what I've been doing, the routine of food and exercise (or lack thereof with my pre-surgery knee).  

I'm also tired of feeling squished into clothes and chairs, uncomfortable being seen in shorts walking on the street on a hot summer day (not being in them, but being seen in them – different things).  I'm afraid of going to the family reunion next month and of the comments of my cousins and well-meaning helpful words of others in the family.  My knees are in bad shape and more weight is not making them better – taking off even 20 lbs now would be a big help medically. 

I have a choice here.  I can choose to be stuck in the "I don't want" and "I'm afraid" and the negative crap that is holding me back.  Or I can decide that I'm worth it however long it takes.  And really mean it this time.  The theme of the week this week in WW meeting was affirmations and I need to figure out what mine are.  That is my assignment for the week – that and eating thoughtfully and enjoying what I eat so I don't cringe at the idea of doing this for the rest of my life.  My legs are getting tired of staying where I am. It's time to do something else.

4 thoughts on “Treading water

  1. I am trying this to see if I can post before I put real post in (in case it goes somewhere else and they are wondering WHAT I am talking about)
    Baby Steps V
    At least maintain

  2. I hear you, I hear you, I hear you.

    Bad Knees are a huge problem. For me, bad back is also a huge problem. Too big of babies – bad bladder – is also a big problem. . . I wish I could just run or do all the other things that everyone talks about that really burn it off. But I can’t.

    Did you see my note that I am going to try water aerobics? I bought water shoes so the bottom of the pool doesn’t eat off the skin on my feet. I am hoping that I can get a good workout and tone for the month of July and then just move on to something else. Years ago I used to swim laps – in the slow lane, back stroke. This was very good – can go fast or slow and still get workout. My husband said I was the slowest of the slow – but I did it!

    100 is a big number. 75 was a big number for me too. I had to break it down into 10 pound increments – to even get my mind around it – that’s still the way I think about it. Getting to the next level and then just working my way through it.

    Maybe instead of even thinking of it even in 10’s – think of it 1/2 pound at a time. Frances is loosing (I think) 1 1/2 pounds a week or so. I am very lucky to loose 1/2 a week. If I were to target 1/2 pound every other week – that is a very realistic target for me. There are 52 weeks in a year. If I loose even 25 pounds in a year -I can be happy with that- and – I am at least moving the right direction.

    Suggestions: When you decide what you WANT. Don’t make yourself crazy trying to go hard/fast/deprived. Figure out what exercise you CAN DO with your poor knees, and a food level that you CAN live with happily and loose. If you can loose even in 1/2 pound increments on any type of regular basis – it WILL add up. So what if it takes years – as long as you are moving along – you are moving in the right direction.
    Hang in there! I love your blog!
    Baby Steps V
    At least maintain

  3. Anne,
    You will find the motivation, the gumption, the ability to change and move in the direction of success. You will. You’ve done it and you’ll do it again. Vickie’s suggestions are good ones. I love the idea of having 10 pound goals. It breaks things down into manageable pieces. And have 10 pound rewards, too. I am going to have a massage at each 10 pound loss. What would be a reward for your next 10 pound (or 5 pound, whatever you need to be nice to yourself) loss?

    Hugs! I love your blog, too!
    Laura N.

  4. I am working WW too right now — it is hard! I’m proud of myself for staying (mostly) on plan last week even though I had a small gain. I am finding it a little easier each week — I am going over by less. I think eventually you adjust to the smaller portions. What I like about going to meetings is that it breaks time down into one-week segments. I don’t have a huge block of time to worry about, just one week. I do my points a little more like the Winning Points system too so that I am working a day at a time and can’t blow all my flex points on Tuesday and be stuck with only 22 points a day for the rest of the week.

    I’m traveling with family this week so it will be a challenge to keep on track. I’m going to do the best I can and hope that I will be too busy to snack a lot.

    You can do it, Anne, you’re not lazy, you’re just scared. It’s HARD to commit to this kind of change. But you’re brave!

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