I’ve been sitting here at home with my knee wrapped up in this ice cuff, watching a lot of TV news. Mostly I try not to because it’s depressing and scary, but not watching doesn’t make people not die in bomb explosions. I can’t pretend that it’s not happening just because I don’t watch it.
I heard a story on NPR the other day about the war in Iraq, about the length of it, which can in some ways be counted from Gulf War I under Bush I in 1991. There have been squirmishes ever since then, and out and out warfare since the United States went after Saddam Hussein’s WDM which no longer existed by the time we actually invaded. The situation there is less stable now than it was before we went in to “save things” and the country is on the brink of civil war. Our western troops are not wanted there and I worry about the soldiers who are there fighting, for what, at this point, I don’t even know.
All hell broke loose a few weeks ago when Israel began bombing Hezbollah forces in Lebanon. Hezbollah is firing rockets made by Iran at Israel while Israel fires rockets made in the U.S. back at them, so I don’t see how we are not connected to this even though we are not “taking sides.” How can bombing the living daylights out of a neighboring country possibly be a good thing here? I don’t understand it. The families of the civilians killed are flocking to support of Hezbollah and I totally understand why.
And next month is the fifth anniversary of the 9/11 bombings. There is a movie coming out that I do not, will not go see. I’m not ready for it. I’m not ready for the anniversary. Because I believe deep inside that there will be more coming. The more unstable the world and the more deeply we are hated (and right now that is pretty high in large parts of the globe), the more likely it will be that our calm lives will be ripped apart by the war coming home.
I don’t want that to happen but I believe that it will. I won’t give up on life or myself in the meantime – time is too precious not to give it everything possible. I’m glad I went to the reunion and reconnected with my family, that I have friends I love and talk to often. This last month has made me unsettled about the state of the world and I need to pay attention to my place in it. Even if I can’t do anything about where the world is going, I can make sure I’m happy with where I am and the steps I’m taking.