Random Thoughts of a Disordered Mind

Donut dolly


Eating donutsI confess – I was the one who brought them. I had my eye on the traffic as I approached the Dunkin’ Donuts on the way to the office and told myself that if there was a parking space on the block, I was meant to stop. Aha! there was one just exactly in front of the shop; I was clearly destined to buy donuts today.

I entered the building and smelled the wonderful aroma of freshly brewed coffee and saw the glistening rows of chocolate and powdered donuts in trays behind the register. “Mine, all mine” I thought. Well, maybe not all of them. I couldn’t decide what to get so had the very helpful counter person pick out an assortment, as long as it included Boston Kreme. I love those. For those who are watching their weight, I threw in a small box of donut holes.

But the whole thing was a lie. I pretended to myself and everyone else that I was bringing donuts to share with the staff because I was a nice person. But I really just wanted an excuse to slip out my door and grab another munchkin or chocolate covered donut. I almost made myself sick on airy sugary dough. It was wonderful but it was too much of a good thing, eaten mostly in a hurry in the privacy of my office so no one would see.  That part wasn’t so wonderful.

Emotional eating is a major issue for me, clearly, and the stress of dealing with performance appraisals and messed up proxy servers is getting to me. I could have just stopped and bought one (or two) donuts for myself and not pretended anything. There is no shame in eating a donut, even though people look at a fat person buying one as though they are injecting sugar directly into the veins. How can I successfully manage living my life if I can’t even own up to eating a donut?

2 thoughts on “Donut dolly

  1. I think you did own up to eating a donut. Just now.

    I often think about being nice and bringing in bagels (esp. now that our local and fab bagel places take debit cards). But I know who wants it: moi. And I think about donuts too (we have spudnuts). The thing that stops me is knowing that at least one person in that group is on a low sodium diet and wouldn’t appreciate it. But boy, do I think about it.

  2. I do the same thing, but with popcorn. There are a lot of little siblings of the baseball players on my son’s team and the games are long, so I always pop a bunch of popcorn and put into individual brown bags “for the kids”. Oh the wonderful aroma of buttered flavored popcorn! So far, I have not eaten any because of the sodium content, but I think I pop it “just in case”. I did read about some low sodium high fiber popcorn that is 94% fat free in a magazine I just discovered “Looking Good Now”.

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