I confess – I was the one who brought them. I had my eye on the traffic as I approached the Dunkin’ Donuts on the way to the office and told myself that if there was a parking space on the block, I was meant to stop. Aha! there was one just exactly in front of the shop; I was clearly destined to buy donuts today.
I entered the building and smelled the wonderful aroma of freshly brewed coffee and saw the glistening rows of chocolate and powdered donuts in trays behind the register. “Mine, all mine” I thought. Well, maybe not all of them. I couldn’t decide what to get so had the very helpful counter person pick out an assortment, as long as it included Boston Kreme. I love those. For those who are watching their weight, I threw in a small box of donut holes.
But the whole thing was a lie. I pretended to myself and everyone else that I was bringing donuts to share with the staff because I was a nice person. But I really just wanted an excuse to slip out my door and grab another munchkin or chocolate covered donut. I almost made myself sick on airy sugary dough. It was wonderful but it was too much of a good thing, eaten mostly in a hurry in the privacy of my office so no one would see. That part wasn’t so wonderful.
Emotional eating is a major issue for me, clearly, and the stress of dealing with performance appraisals and messed up proxy servers is getting to me. I could have just stopped and bought one (or two) donuts for myself and not pretended anything. There is no shame in eating a donut, even though people look at a fat person buying one as though they are injecting sugar directly into the veins. How can I successfully manage living my life if I can’t even own up to eating a donut?