I was possessed this morning by a carb demon. Up early because of the extra hour of sleep and plenty of light when my eyes popped open, I had extra time before I went to my Weight Watchers meeting so I thought I’d be clever and do grocery shopping early, getting a jump on the day.
Bad idea. Really, really bad idea. Because I hadn’t eaten breakfast, you see, not wanting to add anything extra to my tummy before my 9:30 weigh in. I’m used to drinking a 20-oz bottle of water by 7am so I was feeling parched and hungry. And there I was in the grocery store with my scattered choices – and that last minute box of Krispy Kreme donuts. I don’t even really LIKE them. But I was hungry and thought I could have one and it would take the edge off.
Really, reallly bad idea. Note to self: do not buy donuts in a box anymore. I ate four of them before the car got home because food eaten in a car doesn’t really have any calories or points. I can handle eating one donut from Dunkin Donuts if I buy it as a single one and count it. But a box? what was I thinking? I guess the point is that I wasn’t thinking.
On my sugar high from the donuts, I went to WW and was up 2 lbs, negating what I lost last week. At least it’s not up more than that. But I couldn’t stop. I looked for anything not nailed down to eat and managed to snarf down more potato rolls than should even have been in the house before I squished the rest of them with dishwashing liquid and tossed them in the trash. But I could have eaten the entire package.
I don’t know how to be moderate in eating the things I really like. I don’t know how normal people do it, eat just one of them and enjoy it and put the rest back in the package to eat another time – or sometimes even have it go stale until they think of it again. There is no chance I would have done that with a donut.
At least I know what I’m doing even if I don’t know how to quite make it stop. At least I’m eating with more awareness, even if I’m not so pleased with the things I’m becoming really aware of. I can’t change them if I don’t know what they are – and that, at least, it clear.