Wanting a Full Life

Trinity Choir at Salisbury Cathedral

This blog is mostly about weight loss efforts but it’s not called Random Thoughts for nothing. I get tired of thinking of my life as limited to weight and food, diets and exercise, body image and judgments based on being “good” or “bad” with my self-defined plan. I feel so stifled when my life is boiled down to those things, and narrowly focused. I want more than that for myself and my life. I want to be socially aware and spiritually connected, to explore my community and learn new things that have nothing to do with how many points or calories are involved. I want a life that doesn’t revolve around food even as I know I have to eat and enjoy good food prepared well.

I’ve put way too many things on hold and I’m bored with the limits I’ve placed on my life. The fact is that I’m not thin and it will take me a long time to get there at the rate I’m going, though going down slowly is better than going up, so I’m not complaining about that. But waiting until I’m thinner to have a life seems restrictive and silly.

This morning I found a copy of a long letter I wrote to friends 10 years ago when my choir got back from a 10-day tour of England. It was truly one of the best experiences of my life and it saddens me that I haven’t done much to figure out what I’d like to do next or work to make it happen.

I’ve never taken a cruise and would love the chance to travel and get away from it all. There’s one tentatively scheduled for 2008 that interests me – Authors at Sea – and if the timing works, I may plan a vacation to include it. Since my vacations usually involve visiting family or going to professional conferences, this would be a big change of pace.

I’ve lived small – important things, but narrowly focused. It’s time to open up my vision and broaden my thinking and my life.