I’m having a hard time caring about food things right now. It’s not that I want to eat everything not nailed down, though I did have four Lindt truffles today that were an impulse treat. I don’t have tons of parties to go to and pretty much eat the same basic foods in a random rotation so I’m not really worried about meals.
No, I’m just tired of thinking about food and worrying and fretting every waking moment that I’m slipping off self-expected standards. I’m also tired of complaining to myself about clothes that don’t fit well and buying a new puffy coat that makes me look like a giant eggplant. I don’t want to do either one anymore, sweating over every bite and sweating over not being the shape I want to be.
I want to be thinking about other people and not myself for a little while. Living alone, it’s easy to just be so self-focused that I forget that I’m not the center of the universe. Now Tessie is but she’s a cat (don’t tell her, she thinks she’s a people).
Sunday morning I spent a good 90 minutes wrapping packages for friends and family, making a giant mess of paper, tissue, and curly ribbon, and enjoying every minute of it. Presents had been collecting in a waiting area and surprised me by their sheer number when it came down to wrapping. Most of the little things I’d completely forgotten about – things that didn’t cost much or that caught my eye weeks ago, as perfect little extras for people I care about. It’s the thought that matters, not how much is spent.
I want to hold on to that. Thinking of others and not just about myself. ‘Tis the season, isn’t it?