Random Thoughts of a Disordered Mind

Thinking Beyond Myself


Wrapping Presents with CatsI’m having a hard time caring about food things right now. It’s not that I want to eat everything not nailed down, though I did have four Lindt truffles today that were an impulse treat. I don’t have tons of parties to go to and pretty much eat the same basic foods in a random rotation so I’m not really worried about meals.

No, I’m just tired of thinking about food and worrying and fretting every waking moment that I’m slipping off self-expected standards. I’m also tired of complaining to myself about clothes that don’t fit well and buying a new puffy coat that makes me look like a giant eggplant. I don’t want to do either one anymore, sweating over every bite and sweating over not being the shape I want to be.

I want to be thinking about other people and not myself for a little while. Living alone, it’s easy to just be so self-focused that I forget that I’m not the center of the universe. Now Tessie is but she’s a cat (don’t tell her, she thinks she’s a people).

Sunday morning I spent a good 90 minutes wrapping packages for friends and family, making a giant mess of paper, tissue, and curly ribbon, and enjoying every minute of it. Presents had been collecting in a waiting area and surprised me by their sheer number when it came down to wrapping. Most of the little things I’d completely forgotten about – things that didn’t cost much or that caught my eye weeks ago, as perfect little extras for people I care about. It’s the thought that matters, not how much is spent.

I want to hold on to that. Thinking of others and not just about myself. ‘Tis the season, isn’t it?

2 thoughts on “Thinking Beyond Myself

  1. I was ready to clobber my cats last night. I tried to be decorative with present wrapping but completely stymied by two cats determined to eat the raffia. I gave up and so everyone is getting plain wrapped presents and hopefully with name tags (oops, where did I put them?).

    I’ve got to go and look at the parental units presents and see how I’m doing with them. I had put theirs away in a safe box (linens on sale) so the cats wouldn’t climb all over it and add a thin layer of cat hair.

    I love the little presents that I find or get. It’s actually more fun in some ways than the big ones. Good for you for getting it done! It sounds like Tessie was reasonably well behaved. 🙂

  2. I know what you mean about thinking of something besides weight all the time. I cant stand this trap! Every revolves around it in some way. Im 55 years old and you would think that Id give up by now. I even find myself eating and thinking “if eat like a real pig, maybe I’ll see the light. Maybe I’ll be so disgusted with myself that I’ll wake up out of this fog and simply decide that I won’t do it any more.” MMMM I haven’t woken up yet. I wonder if I will ever give up and simply decide to take care of myself lovingly. Now that’s a thought!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s