It’s a week before Christmas and food is everywhere. Bowls of brightly wrapped Lindt truffles and almond rocca bars. Metal tins of cookies with nuts, powdered sugar, rich spices and shortbread. Boxes of Belgian and Sees chocolates. One box of clementines which doesn’t begin to balance out the rest. And this is all just in my department in the last week.
We had the library holiday party today with trays of lasagna, empanadas, latkas, and salad, with a table of desserts. Musical entertainment was courtesy of Habeas Chorus, a law school singing group. But the main focus was food. There’s another party tomorrow, this time the campus-wide library party. And another one on Friday with a law school staff lunch.
Oh yeah, and we go out for an Indian buffet lunch on Thursday to hear about our colleagues’ trip to Mumbai for a conference. It’s topical and I’m sure it will be tasty but it’s just more food.
It will be a relief to get to the weekend. For me, the parties will be over. I’m not going away or even out for Christmas dinner and can pretty much control what I have in the house so it includes something beyond the Sugar and Chocolate food groups. Not that there’s anything wrong with them. But too much of a good thing is still too much.
I have my WW weigh in tomorrow and it’s not going to be pretty. I’ve managed to be reasonable about at least one meal a day but other than that have been grazing and eating comfort food. Though actually when I look at it, it could have been more out of control. Carrot cake pancakes at IHOP still had sugar free syrup. Only a small meatball sub and not a whole one. Slow churned peppermint ice cream instead of the full stuff. Lots of water. Light popcorn. Reduced fat cookies.
I have learned some things and I refuse to binge the way I used to. It’s too much physically and emotionally and I’m happy to see and know that I really have moved forward even though sometimes it just feels as though I’m in a spiral.
Losing weight this month is not a goal, an expectation, or practical reality. It’s not gonna happen and I don’t care; that isn’t the “winning outcome” I decided for myself. This particular week is the worst for me in terms of situational temptation and as soon as it’s over, I will get back to my regular routine with a sense of relief. Part of that will be going to WW the day after Christmas to get the week behind me and starting fresh.
I love that about my weekly weigh in. Oh, I don’t always like the number on the scale but I go and get on the scale anyway. Staying away in paralyzing fear of what it will show doesn’t help me change my eating patterns as much as just hopping on and off, and starting fresh the next day. The scale gives me a number, feedback not judgment, and I really can just move on. It’s taken me a long time to get here but it’s a healthy place to be. Even the week before Christmas.