Random Thoughts of a Disordered Mind

Taking Stock


I’ve been thinking a lot this week about the knee and WLS decisions, about my body and the stresses that I’ve put it through, and the emotional stress of trying to live up to some physical ideal that I will never meet. And I’m discovering that my priorities have changed.

I want to look prettier, to be able to wear clothes that are flattering and not just the things that will cover me. But mostly I want to be healthier and to reduce the strain on my knees. The only way to do this is to lose weight. It’s not about vanity, it’s about health.

The only way for me to do this is to get back into Weight Watchers, where I’m held accountable for showing up and weighing in every week. Nothing else has worked well for me. I know how to work the program and know that when I actually do it, I lose weight and feel better.

So I’ve stocked the fridge with healthy things, blocked out food choices for the week, and am going to a new WW meeting tomorrow. And it’s a relief to know that I’m starting fresh again there, too, paying the initiation fee and starting over at Week 1 with a new tracking book. Instead of being constantly aware that I’ve gained from my lowest WW weight, I will be starting clean and aiming again for the goal of 10% of my weight.

Thanks for being my support.

8 thoughts on “Taking Stock

  1. starting fresh does sound very appealing to me too. Yoga Lisa used to say “you don’t start over, you start from where you are.”

    I do think we have Vista – but need to know where to check – we got it in December and have had NO problems – computer guy had us wait a while so they could work out the bugs. Whatever the other (problem) system as a few years ago – he never did let us get that – he installed an earlier version instead.

  2. Ironically, I quit WW online this week (eff. 6/27) because I need to cut down on expenses. But I have also made the same resolution as you have and want to have more of a clean lifestyle. I just went to Whole Foods and spent money on organic apples and a box of Kashi and then to Sam’s for some good proteins. I’m also thinking that eating healthier will be cheaper in some ways; we’ll see.

    I want to look prettier but I need to worry about my knees too. Good luck !

  3. Yay! Good for you, Anne! 🙂

    I read on your blog archives that you once lost 120 pounds on WW – not that you want to think about the “big number” as you say, just take it 10% at a time, but my point is that you *know* that WW works for you. Losing weight under your own steam will produce far slower results than WLS, but it’s far, far healthier – and no nasty side-effects.

    As for Lori’s point about eating healthier being cheaper, I’m sure it is. Processed food is expensive, particularly in terms of value for money. Not eating out is a money-saver too. If you prepare all your own food you know exactly what you’re eating.

    Anyway – I won’t wish you luck because I *know* you can do it!

  4. I need to get serious too but I keep putting it off. I am hoping that when work is less of a nightmare that I will feel more motivated.

  5. Congratulations!! I love new beginnings…I think it’s good to have them regularly. 🙂

  6. Like fresh clean sheets, starting fresh always makes me feel better and I hope you too.

    Though, I’m not on WW, I am doing a new eating plan and feel I am getting a fresh new start with something new.

  7. I feel so encouraged when I hear you I

  8. I feel so encouraged when I hear your struggles and I see the same struggles in my life also.

    Im amazed to scroll the internet hearing thousands and thousands of people world wide, trying to loose weight, and reaching out for the answer..Why is this so difficult.

    When i go off my plan, I feel so utterly disappointed in myself. I feel so bad that I dont even want to exercise or think about the future. I break my own heart, and I am the one who keeps my life from changing. I dont want to do this to myself anymore. Im certainly worth more than a hunk of cream cheese (this was the first item of my binge this afternoon). I know what set me off this afternoon, but the fact that I ate in response to it, made me feel disappointed, weak, and unworthy. I am so sick of being the one who keeps that scale from moving down to where it should be. I do it to myself. Im tired of hurting and insulting myself with self abusive food choices. Im sick of treating myself like Im not worth any effort.

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