Sticks and Stones

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Uh, no.  Not really.  Words hurt a lot, and there are plenty of times I’d rather deal with physical pain from a broken bone than the internal pain and hurt that sometimes comes from words, no matter how well intentioned they are.  In fact, those can hurt more than ones that are obviously vicious.

It’s been suggested that I get counseling to help me with my weight situation.  One person phrased it as “have you considered seeing a counsellor to figure out why you can’t commit to losing weight?”  It wasn’t said to cause me hurt but I haven’t been able to shake the words off all week.  They did hurt, partly because there is truth to it but also because of the judgment that filled the words.

I know that the words were well intentioned, but I haven’t been able to shake them off.  They haven’t motivated, they just stung and burrowed deep.  And my reaction to hurt is not to go eat salad.

8 thoughts on “Sticks and Stones

  1. The person who wrote the comment doesn’t know you or any more about your situation than you’ve posted here. I think sometimes people forget that blogs have real, live people behind them, with normal human feelings.

  2. There have been times – many times! – in my adult life when I’ve wished for the right therapist who could help me figure out what’s going on in my head that’s keeping me from taking care of my body. For one reason or another, I’ve never followed through. The difference is that I was the one who came up with the idea – no one ever pushed me in that direction. It’s an intensely personal decision, and no one’s business but yours. I’m sorry you were hurt, inadvertently or not.

  3. You know – it was bloggers who suggested that I needed a therapist – I don’t remember who exactly – but I am pretty sure it was several that we all know – not strangers – I could go back and find it – because I think it was aug/sept two falls ago.

    Kinder, smarter words were never said/written – they made all the difference in my life – I would be foundering around forever without their kind suggestion.

  4. Lori W.

    I’m sorry that you are feeling down about that comment.

    Sometimes when things are going well for us and we can see plainly how we’ve gotten there, maybe we get enthusiastic and want to tell others who are _________ some suggestions of what worked for us.

    The key part is what worked for us and if someone wants to hear that or asked for help.

    Why let someone’s words make you eat more? Why give those words that much power?

    I also think the person who wrote that would feel very distressed to know she inadvertently caused you pain. Be good to yourself.

  5. Susan

    I also think the person who wrote that would feel very distressed to know she inadvertently caused you pain.

    Geez, I wrote that and I do feel distressed!

    I certainly never meant to sound judgemental or cause pain.

    I sincerely apologise for upsetting you Anne, and yes, I know what it’s like to feel depressed about my weight and stuff those feelings down with food.

    As the Shrinking Knitter very sensibly pointed out, seeking professional help is a highly personal decision and it’s your decision to make and no-one else’s.

    Please believe me when I say that I wish you and Tessie only the best, and I’ll refrain from making overly-personal remarks in the future.


  6. Middle child is reading The Good Earth and loving it. Oldest loved it (his freshman year) too. When oldest got to class that year – everyone seemed to hate that book. I have already warned middle child that she might hear a lot of grumbling and I have told her that kids that are only exposed to “action” books have a hard time developing sophisticated tastes in books.

    I am turning to you for a link(s) suggestion for other “traditional or classic” reading lists. Your suggestions would be most welcome.

  7. I sure know how you feel…have felt that way many times myself (although not, that I recall, in blogland). DB often “accuses” me of being “too sensitive”…I wonder if a lot of us are very sensitive…is our weight a manner in which to shield our thin skin?? Probably not a novel idea, but just occured to me…

    Anyway…hope you’re feeling better.

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