My Clothes are Hopeless

Much as it pains me to admit, I’m back to wearing fat girl clothes, mostly badly fitting pants, big shirts and non-clingy sweaters. I don’t have any real idea of what fits and what doesn’t, other than that the pants are looking ridiculous.  The ones that more or less fit me looked like clown pants by the time I got home.

It’s discouraging to be very round and short, with a hanging belly that puts my waist lower in front than in the back – because that means that pants with zippers just do not work.  Given that, finding pants that are comfortable but still look even moderately appropriate has been impossible.

I’m too big right now to fit into the things I wore last year, and haven’t been able to find things that I could actually wear out of the store.  So I’m shopping mostly online, waiting until packages arrive to try things on and then returning the things that don’t fit. I don’t want to spend a lot of money to get clothes in my bigger size, even if I can find them.  But I do need some pants that don’t make me look or feel stupid.  And hopefully that will be even warm, because the colder mornings are upon us and winter is just around the corner.

The problem is that most if it fits weirdly.  Even I know that clown pants are not in for the well dressed librarian.  I can’t bear to have things be tight on me because I feel fatter, but I also know that loose clothing makes you look bigger than you are.  It’s a conundrum.

But I don’t know how to find a look that will work; the best I can do is get good pieces, usually sweaters that “float away from the body at the hips” — which is a lot easier to describe than it is to find when you are in the really big sizes.

I’ve watched Stacy and Clinton for years and see them pull outfits together all the time.  They just don’t do it from my closet or the clothes that are readily available.  I’m always stumbling at trying to figure out what I have that’s appropriate, that isn’t too hot or too casual, that I can change easily with a scarf or some other snazzy accessory.  Those aren’t sitting around the house because I’m bad at figuring them out, too.  I’ve never been good at or particularly interested in girl stuff.

Although I don’t want to be subjected to the shredding that happens to people in the 360 mirror when S&C tear their existing clothes to pieces, I really could use someone to help me how to make it work for ME, at my current size. It’s hard to not be able to go into stores, or even buy from catalogs, and have things fit well.  But for me to really know if they do, I guess I need to understand what that means for my body.

I need someone to tell me all this with honesty and caring, while not also saying, “you know, it would be a lot easier if you were thinner.”  Because I already know that.  And I know that gaining weight or just redistributing the body shape is the answer, but that isn’t going to help me find pants for right now that don’t look like clown rejects. I wish I had a magic wand to make Tim Gunn appear and “make it so.”

Random Thoughts of Food and Politics

I sit here in a candy-corn coma.  Well, not really.  But honestly, that stuff is lethal and a little goes a long way to push the sugar high and make your teeth hurt.  And yes, I had more than my fair share from the communal stash at the office.

My food has been out of whack all week because of lunches out every day.  I’m used to having a bigger meal at lunch and something lighter in the evening — but not every day.  I’m just not cut out for it and am very grateful that tomorrow will be normal.  Monday I had Thai with a friend from the main library.  Tuesday was pizza with my work colleagues.  Yesterday was Thai again for an interview lunch.  Today was seafood with an Italian flair with another candidate – and worse, we didn’t eat until 2pm.  My system doesn’t deal with that well and because of a last minute schedule change, I wasn’t prepared to wait that long.  Hence delving into candy corn.

I’m ready for normal again.  Tomorrow I spend the morning at the dentist, first having a cleaning and then having my final appointment for a replacement crown.  Not very exciting and very expensive.  No lunch out, no meetings, just the dentist and then productive afternoon working on problems.  What a relief!  This weekend I have no plans other than finally doing some serious cleaning, much as I’d rather hire The Maids to come and do a number on the place.  Have I mentioned that I hate cleaning?  No?

What I really want to do is go out and vote early, but my state doesn’t have a provision for that.  I want these last 12 days to not happen, to go directly to Election Day and getting this thing over with so we can get on with the business of dealing with harsh economic realities and moving forward.  Things will get worse before they get better but if I have to hear about Joe the Plumber one more time … wait, I’ve already heard it five times while I’ve been typing this.  Not Good.  It doesn’t help that on the way to work this morning, I saw a sign at a local church that read:  “Jesus loves you and Joe the Plumber.”  Gag me with a spoon!

Checking in From Connecticut

Yesterday I had a full day with a trip to the Connecticut Renaissance Faire, about an hour’s drive away.  I had wonderful views of gorgeous foliage in reds, oranges, and golds as I tootled along back roads.  The Faire itself was fun but smaller than what I was used to from past visits to King Richard’s Faire in MA, but I recognized some of the acts and personas that were part of the show and mostly it was walking through a little tent village looking at wares, seeing the sites and costumes, and going to entertainment such as Zoltan the Adequate.

Today was very quiet in contrast.  I enjoyed sleeping late with the kitty curled up at my feet, watching Sunday morning political talk shows (at least they are more civilized on Sunday and don’t yell at each other the way they do the rest of the week).  I did inside-house chores like bathroom scrubbing, laundry, bill paying, tidying up, and weeding out some clothes for donation to local clothes closets.  I didn’t have a ton of energy so resting up and just sort of “being” for a while was what I needed.

I really need a vacation. I haven’t taken one since my week in January when I went to Texas to see my recuperating mom, and I need to figure out this week when is a good time for me to take off some time to recharge.

Noah Webster Word Cupcakes

Yale is celebrating Noah Webster’s birthday – not just any one, his 250th birthday.  It’s a big one, so the celebration lasts for two days.  Of course, Yale is 57 years older than that, so it’s the least we can do.

Noah was the Dictionary Guy so one part of the celebration was an “Eat Your Words” cupcake giveway, with each cupcake decorated with yummy icing and a little triangle of chocolate with a word written on it.  My word was “Nutrient” and my colleague got “Caloric” – which seemed kind of ironic to be stuck into cupcakes.  It was a fun event, though, and promoted the man in a different way.