I don’t feel much like an Angry Fat Girl anymore. My dear friend Jen said she wants to be more of a Happy Normal Woman, and that resonates big time. Of course there are things I want to change and things that push my buttons. But you know what? I don’t want to put the energy into being grumpy about it all. I’m tired of thinking and talking and dreaming and worrying about food, weight, body, and exercise. They all need attention but I don’t want to structure my world around them.
Instead I’m grateful that I have a job, family and friends who love me, and a kitty curled up on her little stool next to my chair. I have a home not just a place to live, a car that is elderly but in good shape, and a warm puffy coat so I don’t freeze waiting for the bus. There’s food in the pantry and money in the bank.
I’m in the mood for happy movies and have been watching silly sappy things on the Hallmark channel, which is doing a countdown to the 25 days of Christmas. You can predict the plot of everything but it’s restful and fun and lifts the spirits. I know Christmas will be saved and love will conquer all.
Yesterday I sold my old laptop on Craigslist and have already spent part of the money buying a colorful Vera Bradley carry on bag (from eBay) for my next travels. Other than clothes, which I’ve been buying in huge quantities online to try on at home and then return what doesn’t fit, I’ve done little shopping. We’re drawing names this year in the family so Christmas shopping will be easy and more affordable. I don’t want or need things — none of us really do — and it’s nice to be looking and “window shopping” without worries about having to find the perfect presents.
I know many of you are enthusiastically working on weight loss and I’m happy for you. While obviously I don’t want to gain over the next 6 weeks, I’m really happy to just go with the flow, listen to my body and my heart, and be at peace.