Weigh In Day

My official weigh in day is Saturday, and I’m two weeks away from my anniversary. Here are my stats measured from April 3, 2009:

Can you believe it?  90 pounds in just under one year, 49 of it on WW and 41 since my surgery 5 months ago.  I celebrate the losses, am mostly patient through the stalls, and am not setting any particular time or pound goals.  I just know that in 2010 two things will happen:  I will reach the 100 lb mark, now only 10 lbs away, and I will break the 200 lb barrier into ONE-derland.  It’s possible that both will happen before I go to Denver in July but if not, it will still happen when my body is ready.

It’s a very good place to be, not just in my body, which is feeling both lighter and smaller, and in my spirit.  I’m getting more compliments from people when I wear properly fitted clothes, probably because 90 lbs ago I had to lose a LOT before anyone noticed.  Now my body is re-arranging itself pretty darn often:  I lost an inch each in my bust, waist, and hips in the last 2 weeks.  I have no clue how that happened but I’m not going to complain.

I keep track of my numbers on Saturdays, weight every week and measurements twice a month.   They are not judgements, just numbers.  They happen to be going down now but the fact of weight loss is that there will be lots of plateaus and some gains before more losses happen.  I am surprisingly (to me) calm about whatever happens and confident that I will manage whatever challenges come up.  And I know that as I get closer to my goal, the weight will come off more slowly.   It just feels different this time, in a lot of little ways.

Today I went to get a haircut and was surprised when the stylist made a huge fuss over the physical changes in the last 7 weeks.  I didn’t think they were particularly noteworthy, but then, I’m wearing clothes that fit me (yayyy for eBay shopping).  We plotted out my hair appointments so that I’m at maximum beautifulness for both my nephew’s wedding on June 26 and my national conference which starts on July 10.   And then, after weeks of thinking but not doing, I dropped 4 pairs of Birkenstocks off to be reheeled and headed to the lingerie shop to be fitted for a bra in my current size.  Stacy and Clinton are right: I look a lot better when the girls are up where they belong.

It’s been a gorgeous few days and today we got up to 72 with bright sun and soft breezes.  My windows and back door are wide open, taking it all in, and Tessie is in heaven being able to hear the birdies and smell the air.  Best we enjoy it all now because by next week it could easily be snow.  Spring doesn’t come to stay this early in New England.

Seriously Weird Dream

I don’t always dream, but I did last night and it was a doozy.  It was in vivid color and I wore the same clothes throughout, though I don’t remember what they were.

I was alone in a city that looked a little like Boston but wasn’t.  The sky was deep clear blue.  I went up some stairs to a “view of the city” kind of outlook place that turned into an aerial tour of the city.  But our transport was individual water rafts, the kind we used in the ocean as kids.  I lay on my tummy looking to my right, with my feet dangling off the end, as the buildings got sharper and closer and we swooped and circled.  It was so quiet, so calm, so centered. I could have floated all day.  Somehow I pulled out my camera and was snapping a few pictures of the view as we floated.

When we landed, I climbed up some metal stairs as though I’d been on a lower deck of a ship to get to street level.  And I was in a tourist trap shopping mecca, looking at on-sale Christmas ornaments.  I explored and looked, picked up colorful jeweled items only to put them back and not buy anything.

I then wandered down a hallway past more stores, opened a door, and was in the vendor area of a professional conference that I’ve attended for 18 years (and won’t be going to this year).  They were taking things down, but I found the people from our online library system vendor – none of whom I recognized – and they started asking me questions about what I thought of the new enhancements that I knew nothing about.  I felt stupid and confused.

Next thing I knew I was back in Virginia, dropping in to see the rector of the church I attended when I lived there.  Someone I haven’t seen in 25 years.  He was the boss of the priest who abused me there.  I was talking with his wife when he came in the door, stopped dead in his tracks, and looked at me with both sadness and hope.  We didn’t talk about the abuse and tiptoed around the past, but he did tell me how wonderful I looked – and also that he’d lost 210 lbs., to which I replied that I’d lost 97 lbs (which isn’t quite true).

I left their house and as I walked down the street, I saw my best friend who lives in Chicago, with her dog.  She had to run an errand so asked me to keep the puppy occupied which involved throwing balls and running around.  The dog was/is adorable but she had way more energy than I did and one toss of the ball went wild and she chased it into the street.  I woke up before I knew if she was safe.

Tessie woke me up meowing next to my head that it was time to make a tummy for her to sit on.  Back to reality.

What I remember most vividly from the dream was floating on that blue rubber raft around the city, feeling safe and a little disconnected from reality.  Just floating but with camera in hand.  Some of the other things that happened made sense from conversations I’d had during the day, though it was weird to have them strung together.  But the weirdest thing at all was the connection with the VA rector.  Though now that I think about it, I’m just below the weight where I was when the abuse started.

Feeling More Normal

Last week at this time I was feeling pretty crummy.   Today is a vast improvement.  The lab results came back normal, so there are no nutritional deficiencies I need to fix.  Best, though, was the visit to my lapband surgeon on Monday morning. He and the nice nurse (as opposed to the one I talked with last week) were very clear that I am more than a lapband to them, and that I should have contacted them weeks before – not for the dizzyness so much as the fact that I was throwing up multiple times a week.

It seems that what I thought was an adjustment period to more band restriction actually was a big red flag that there was too much fluid in my band.  And there wasn’t that much in the first place.  But as the doctor said, this isn’t a contest.  Some people need a lot of fluid for their proper restriction and others just need a little. It’s a matter of figuring out where each of us are on the spectrum.  I now have clear instructions on when to call the office for an adjustment.

As for the “OJ or no OJ” part of the whole upset last week, the nurse just laughed kindly and said that a glass of OJ wouldn’t kill me if I needed one, even though juices do have a ton of sugar.  Maybe a small glass would do it, or eating an orange instead of drinking, although that may be a problem due to the membranes around the sections.  Skins and things are still problematic.

I’m also apparently getting way more protein than I actually need (that’s me, always striving to win the top prize) and I can cut back a little on that and incorporate more fruits and veggies.  Such as grapes with cheese, or peeled apple slices dipping into peanut butter, or chopped apple slices added to chicken salad.  I’d been afraid to do this because I didn’t was afraid of throwing up food.  Well, duh, I was throwing up a lot so no wonder.

Since my visit on Monday morning, I’ve noticed that I’m actually hungry but able to stay within my 1000-1200 calorie range with low-ish carbs and fats.  I haven’t had tummy problems at all this week, and have been pushing fluids, since all the doctors agreed that my dizziness, fatigue, and lack of energy were probably the result of dehydration.  How you can be dehydrated on 64 oz/day, but maybe all that throwing up messed things up.  In any case, I’ve been drinking 80+ oz and feeling better.

Moral of the story:  don’t disregard persistent physical symptoms.  See a doctor/healer and have things checked out.