I was alone in a city that looked a little like Boston but wasn’t. The sky was deep clear blue. I went up some stairs to a “view of the city” kind of outlook place that turned into an aerial tour of the city. But our transport was individual water rafts, the kind we used in the ocean as kids. I lay on my tummy looking to my right, with my feet dangling off the end, as the buildings got sharper and closer and we swooped and circled. It was so quiet, so calm, so centered. I could have floated all day. Somehow I pulled out my camera and was snapping a few pictures of the view as we floated.
When we landed, I climbed up some metal stairs as though I’d been on a lower deck of a ship to get to street level. And I was in a tourist trap shopping mecca, looking at on-sale Christmas ornaments. I explored and looked, picked up colorful jeweled items only to put them back and not buy anything.
I then wandered down a hallway past more stores, opened a door, and was in the vendor area of a professional conference that I’ve attended for 18 years (and won’t be going to this year). They were taking things down, but I found the people from our online library system vendor – none of whom I recognized – and they started asking me questions about what I thought of the new enhancements that I knew nothing about. I felt stupid and confused.
Next thing I knew I was back in Virginia, dropping in to see the rector of the church I attended when I lived there. Someone I haven’t seen in 25 years. He was the boss of the priest who abused me there. I was talking with his wife when he came in the door, stopped dead in his tracks, and looked at me with both sadness and hope. We didn’t talk about the abuse and tiptoed around the past, but he did tell me how wonderful I looked – and also that he’d lost 210 lbs., to which I replied that I’d lost 97 lbs (which isn’t quite true).
I left their house and as I walked down the street, I saw my best friend who lives in Chicago, with her dog. She had to run an errand so asked me to keep the puppy occupied which involved throwing balls and running around. The dog was/is adorable but she had way more energy than I did and one toss of the ball went wild and she chased it into the street. I woke up before I knew if she was safe.
Tessie woke me up meowing next to my head that it was time to make a tummy for her to sit on. Back to reality.
What I remember most vividly from the dream was floating on that blue rubber raft around the city, feeling safe and a little disconnected from reality. Just floating but with camera in hand. Some of the other things that happened made sense from conversations I’d had during the day, though it was weird to have them strung together. But the weirdest thing at all was the connection with the VA rector. Though now that I think about it, I’m just below the weight where I was when the abuse started.