2011 Hate-Loss Challenge

Fat Girl Wearing ThinEllen over at Fat Girl Wearing Thin has issued a challenge, not on losing the most weight in the month of January, but to use the next month to help change the habit of negative self-talk.  Instead of a resolution to diet, exercise, or changing physical things (and we know how long those resolutions last), this is a challenge to rethink the inside part.

I do find that I belittle myself and beat myself up using negative words like lazy, stupid, inadequate.  They’re not as awful as they were two years ago, but they’re still there.  So I was pleased to learn about Ellen’s challenge: “January will be the month that I set in motion a healthy habit  to rid my vocabulary of words that aim to destroy my self-esteem.”  How cool is that?  From Ellen’s blog:

Rules: There is only one rule: At least once a day you must attempt to use one or more of these words in your vocabulary about yourself – and mean it:  strong, courageous, beautiful/handsome, better, unique, remarkable, confident, conditioned, fascinating, pleasing. I encourage you to say the words out loud. Listen to how they sound as they are defining you!

Extra credit: mind-blowing, wicked-hot,  awe-inspiring, sexy, sensational.

Off Limits: Words you can not use:  failure, undeserving, incompetent, lazy, no-good, fat, unattractive, sloppy, defeated, unworthy.

One Final Thought: It’s OK to be angry.  It’s OK to have off-days; just don’t let those feelings consume you.  Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and never, ever let your weight define you.

I printed out the rules for home and work and will report on my progress.

Christmas Then and Now

Two years ago I spent Christmas with my family in Texas.  I weighed in at 312 lbs and was sad and not in a good place with my body or my weight.  This year I went again, weighing 182.2 lbs and oh, what a difference!


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone I saw told me how beautiful I was, asked me how I did it, didn’t I feel wonderful, was it hard, what could I eat, etc.  And I found I had a hard time knowing what/how to respond, other than to say “thank you.”

I’m in a good place now, a stable place.  I’m proud of my accomplishments, because they are considerable and have been life-changing.  I’ve lost 130 lbs and enjoy shopping for clothes and finding things that both fit and flatter.  My belly and upper arms are annoying because of all the extra skin, but I’m having medically necessary plastic surgery in March to have those areas trimmed (at last I think we’re doing the arms; it depends on insurance).

Back in 2008 I said: “I don’t want to diet. I want to eat sensibly in moderation, to enjoy a variety of food, to ease the stress on my knees, to be comfortable in my body and with myself.  That may be mutually exclusive.  All I can do is try and take things one small step at a time.”

That pretty much describes where I am now.  Emotionally I’m in a very calm place.  I haven’t really found the weight loss to be hard this time, not since I heard the “click” that said “It’s time now” and took it one step at a time.