Susan washed my hair today. It felt amazing, after three weeks, to have water on the scalp and fingers washing away grime. I’ve never appreciated a shampoo as much. It was the last part of my OT time today, after doing the arm bike and weights, and a round of practicing transfer from the wheelchair to a shower chair so I can have a shower next week. I still have trepidation about how it will work in practice, but at least I’ve practiced it twice. With practice comes more confidence. At least that’s the plan.
Yesterday in PT, Veronica had me practice standing with the parallel bars and letting go with one hand at a time. Today I had a chance to actually use that when getting dressed, standing in the walker and holding on with one hand and using the other hand to help pull up my clothes. I don’t think I would have been brave enough to risk doing it otherwise.
Today we started PT by walking with the walker. I did 30 feet on my first try and 35 feet on my second, to the applause of one of the other patients and her therapist. The rest of our time, I worked on transfers (again) and on how to get my legs up on the bed by myself. Yeah, easier to say than to do. And rolling. I kept trying to figure out how to apply this info to my own house, which is going to need to have some furniture rearrangement – and the bed is entirely the wrong height. Not sure how that is going to work. I miss my bed but I admit I love having something adjustable. Maybe Sleep Number has a good option for me but I’m not sure what I’ll do.
I had a little pity party on the table, trying to get my legs off the floor by myself. A wave of “Why do I have to deal with this? Why is this happening to me?” Tears and sniffles. I’ve mostly stuffed all that down because it keeps me in a pit instead of working to getting out of it. Whatever the reason, this is my reality now. I don’t have to like it, but I do have to accept it and learn work arounds for things that used to be so easy to do. I’m very grateful for my friends who are taking care of the kitties, and house things, keeping in touch with cards, texts, and Facebook. But it’s lonely here. We spend a lot of time alone, resting and recovering. I miss seeing people in person, and getting hugs. And I miss my kitty girls so much. I hope they will remember me.