Not much to report today but I want to continue the discipline of writing. No one has therapy on Sundays and we mostly stay in our rooms, but unlike last Sunday, I got up, peed, dressed, and went to breakfast in the dining room with some other patients. I didn’t put on my shoes because they are a pain in the butt and I wasn’t going to be doing walking, so I wore my ugly green gripper socks that dig into my leg. My feet were frozen most of the day – they’re very cold most of the time – but it was easier to do some of the exercises without the shoes.
My knees are pretty useless. I can bend my right one by myself, but the left one will NOT bend without help – and when I get both bent, they tend to flop apart without any control. It’s annoying. But at least I understand how to ask for help when they do that. Friday we practiced how to get legs up on a bed from the floor by myself and I understand how to do it, but I just couldn’t make it happen. It’s very hard for me to get the momentum going and have the strength to haul the dead weight of the legs up. So I cheated today and asked for help. I wish I could will my knees to bend, and my ankles to flex on their own. But they can’t, at least not yet.
I’m getting better at asking for help and accepting it when given, but it’s still hard because I’m used to being someone who helps others, not the other way around.
Random Thoughts of a Disordered Mind 