Things That Are Making Me Cranky

Yesterday was for giving thanks. Today I’m remembering all the things that are making me cranky. Okay, maybe not all of them, but at least some.

Outpatient physical therapy is ending on December 14th. I’ve apparently met my goals and maxed out on insurance coverage for this category of “outpatient following inpatient following hospitalization.” There probably is some kind of Home Health Physical Therapy that falls into a different coverage category – or that I can have if I pay for myself. Since I’m not close to feeling ready to give up on therapy, I need to work the phones starting Monday to figure out options. My PT wants me to continue with e-stim so I need to figure out if there’s an option that will cover that. So I’m cranky.

Christmas is a month from yesterday and I want to put up decorations. But I can’t reach them in the closet. The wreath is in a box on the floor but I can’t wrangle it out to the hall and up on the door while also keeping the cats from escaping to the exciting world of the hallway, which they are dying to explore. And the wreath box is in the way of getting to the box to store the fall velvet pumpkins and gnomes, so I can’t put them away first anyway. I need help and it won’t be here until next week. So I’m cranky.

Somehow I pulled a muscle on the inside of my left thigh and it hurts like hell when I try to raise my knee. Or when I am using the leg lifter to get my leg into the bed. Or rolling over in bed. Basically it hurts. And I’m too cold to want to put ice on it, although after almost a week, it probably is too late for that anyway.

I’m cold. It’s been a very long time since I lived somewhere without rugs on the floor. While the bedroom has carpet, my living room has a very cold floor that can’t have an area rug because it’s a trip hazard. Our apartments apparently have a 70 degree heat setting, which I can live with except my feet are cold. So I’m now wrapped up in a fleece robe and two throws and feeling like a wimp for wanting it to be warmer after years of living in colder settings in New England.

I really want pizza. We have wonderful food but pizza’s not on the menu. I can get it delivered from somewhere like Bruno’s but then I would have way too much pizza and not enough self control to not overeat it because it’s here.

I really want to just be able to stand up. Today I managed 20 seconds of standing without holding on to anything which sounds so ridiculously tiny that I can’t believe I’m even telling you about it. I understand that it’s a big deal because it’s the most I’ve done so far, but it’s still ridiculously tiny. I have so far to go.

I’m tired of dealing with all of this medical stuff. Most of the time I push that down because it doesn’t help me to wallow when I have no other option but to deal with it. Maybe I’m not as courageous as I said I was. I really missed my family this Thanksgiving, even though I spent time on the phone with them and with my other scattered single friends. I don’t want what I have now to be my new normal even while I recognize that it’s my normal for NOW – and it might be forever stuff. It’s just hard.