What do I want to do?

This week I let go of what I think are my last activities from before moving here. I managed websites for the church, the club, and a local benevolence organization, as well as communication lists for church and club, plus the membership database for the church. And in my life before Texas, I managed three websites and worked with the library’s online database almost every minute of my working life. I love systems and databases and nerdy things.

I don’t have any of that anymore, except for this blog which I’ve maintained for 20 years.

I should be glad to let them go, to know that other capable people are building on what I started. But right now I’m mostly sad and feeling useless. It’s not appropriate to keep my hand in with them after moving, but I haven’t filled that hole with anything else that I want to do; doing physical therapy and rehab exercises isn’t the same at at all.

Let’s face it: it takes me forever to do just about anything. And I’m tired of doing it, which is really too bad because that’s what my life is right now. It’s hard having the physical limits. I want to be doing something productive and functional but don’t have the time or energy. Instead, I’m just seeing the things that I used to do go away but haven’t replaced them with anything else. I’m retired so I don’t HAVE to do anything else; I just don’t feel very useful.

I have a “wouldn’t it be good to do” genealogy project that I’ve been talking about doing for about four years: compiling printed volumes for each grandparent’s line with full-size images of source documents. I’ve spent thousands of dollars over the years for records and database access to materials, and I’d like to get those digital images preserved in print in case one of my family gets the genealogy bug and wants to pick up the lines where I left off. They shouldn’t have to rebuy what I already have. The family history book I compiled for each of the family is fully sourced, but the actual source images aren’t all included.

But all I’ve done is talk about it, not actually do it. I need to really decide if this is worth my time and energy and DO it or let it go so I can do something else. No one in the family would know or care if I don’t get it done, which somehow makes it worse because I’m not sure how much I care about it. I will take a day this week to block out what would be involved to actually complete it, then decide if I want to do it or not.

My original retirement plan was to work on genealogy research, which I’ve loved doing for over 50 years. If that’s not what I actually want to do anymore, I need to think of something else to to do instead. Maybe working to help index records would be a worthwhile way to give back to the genealogy community. Or not.

2 thoughts on “What do I want to do?

  1. Do it! Even if you think no one will read it, do it. You are the “keeper of the stories” – if you don’t write them down, they will be gone. I think indexing would be a satisfying activity. If you’re like me (reward-driven) choose a project that keeps track of your progress! Annnddd….if you’re still looking for something to do, you can be a “reader” for my current project – the story of my family’s Holocaust experiences. You’ll find your way. And, by the way, I think the courage and strength you have shown over the last year has been amazing!!

  2. Pingback: What do I want to do? — Random Thoughts of a Disordered Mind – Site Title

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