Both upper arms have been sore all week. Well, actually, for about 2 months but they’ve gotten progressively worse. Walking with a walker hurts because of the pressure applied with every step; standing up uses the same pressure on the wheelchair arms. Putting on my AFO’s hurts because I’m hauling the legs around using upper body strength to get them positioned into the brace and shoes. And using the NuStep also requires hauling the legs up into position on the pedals.
Physical Therapy decided I should not do any of those things this week (well, except standing; that’s necessary) to give my arms a rest while we figure out what’s going on. Instead of e-stim on my legs, I got e-stim on my right bicep followed by ultrasound, and I think it helped a lot. There’s still soreness, a deep ache, and arm weakness. So I’m off to the doctor tomorrow which is an adventure in itself.
My left thigh has been twitching and the neuropathy in the right foot is worse, or at least it seems worse. The “stocking” sensation makes it feel as though it’s in a cast. The right ankle hasn’t improved at all since August and my hip flexors are incredibly weak. I’m doing exercises, but my limits make it hard to get in a good position to work them properly. It’s very hard to pull my leg back and almost impossible to get it up on the footrest far enough to keep it from falling off. And my right foot/leg are very puffy from edema in spite of elevating them as much as I can and taking diuretics and drinking water. I think we’ll be talking about it tomorrow at the doctor.
And I’m feeling really fat, because I am. Although I can’t get on a scale, I know from the way clothes fit that I’ve gained back much of what I worked so hard to lose on Noom. Lots of explanations for that – obviously much less mobility, boredom, excellent food that I don’t have to cook, and needing comfort. Food has always provided that for me, much as I know it’s false comfort and that I’ll pay for it later. I’m really, really tired of feeling as though I need to diet and watch food all the time. I’ve done it my whole life and I’m still fat. Maybe I need to just accept it with its limits and move on. I did throw out most of the processed foods in the kitchen, which really wasn’t that much anyway, and am trying to make better choices. I know how to eat better; I just need to do it. Maybe that will be enough.
I don’t feel as though I have a lot of years ahead of me, which could just be that I just don’t want to have a lot of them with my limited mobility. I’m finding it hard to stay and be positive, and even harder to stay focused on doing more exercise. Sometimes it feels like that’s all I ever do now – exercise, go to lunch, and therapy. And this week, without the extra exercise, I feel like a slug. So today I’m just indulging in that and not adulting. I know for my mental and physical health that’s not good to do often but for today it’s fine.
2 thoughts on “I don’t want to “adult” today”
It’s good to take a rest and indulge every so often. You’ve worked so hard over the past many months. Spring must be well underway where you are, so hoping that the nicer weather will also be a tonic.
I love the ‘I want to goat’