I have a confession to make

I’d rather use the wheelchair than walk.

It’s not that I can’t walk; I can. I just prefer the chair even with the strain on my shoulders and wrist. I feel safer and can do everything I need to do, and feeding and cleaning up after Ellie and Emma are just easier when I’m lower to the ground and don’t have to balance.

Around the apartment I can manage with the walker, except I can’t wear the AFO’s to use the NuStep to exercise, and changing shoes all the time is a real pain. If I had to choose between walking and NuStep, the NuStep wins every time. It works my legs and upper body, plus I stand up all the time and do “dynamic standing” (which just means doing things while standing) multiple times a day.

I also am having problems again with the right ankle. Yesterday there was a lump the size of a golf ball just below and to the back of the ankle bone. It didn’t hurt and was probably fluid but it didn’t like being squished in compression socks and AFO’s. When I did walk, the inside of the ankle had sharp pangs of distress. I don’t think it’s sprained but what do I know. It might just not have recovered from a sprain I had a few months ago. We’ve been very careful with the right leg since it had a blood clot (now two of them).

I feel a bit like a failure preferring the chair to walking, but I know I can manage it safely on my own because I’ve done it for months. I will continue to do at least some walking but will try not to beat myself up for not pushing myself to do more.