Random Thoughts of a Disordered Mind


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Nooming along

As of this morning, I am three pounds away from reaching my next goal of 50 lbs gone. Which means, if you’re keeping track, that I’ve lost 47 pounds since January 1st. I had a little hiccup and gain of 3 lbs which in the scheme of things isn’t that much, but it’s taken me another 3 weeks to get rid of them. I want to hit my goal of 50 lbs by July 24th, which is my birthday.

I’m still following Noom but admit I’m not exactly doing it the way I did when I started. I still weigh every morning which is actually a good thing; I don’t get freaked out by what’s there, just log it as information. And I still take measurements on the first of the month (for the record, I’m down 20.5 inches overall). And I log my food. But I don’t always read the articles which are still interesting but take more time than the ones at the beginning.

And I really try to get my steps in. That was very hard when everything was locked down for covid and the gym was closed as well. It has reopened but I haven’t tried it yet because I sprained my knee and have an insanely painful lower back right now. Just walking is as much as I can do. But this week I did actually get 8K steps one day and almost that much the next day, from walking around large stores like Sam’s. Up and down the aisles, moving fast because I don’t really want or need to buy anything in most of them. My Sam’s trips are limited to when I have prescriptions to pick up; then I get extra stuff as long as I’m there, things like berries, apples, broccoli (always broccoli) and maybe English muffins or meat.

I’m also not really doing much with my Noom group because it’s annoying to see so many posts from other group members who ride horses, do aerobics, and other energetic things that I don’t do. I have a LOT to lose, really more than anyone that I know of in my group. Mostly it’s because I’m in 2 unofficial Facebook groups for Noomers, one of them for people with 100+ pounds to lose. We have different issues and time frames, and I’m finding that one to be the one where I get the most support and can contribute.

Maybe I’m just feeling like a normal person. Normal people don’t eat a whole pizza for dinner after snacking all afternoon and noshing on donuts in the morning. And I’m not doing that anymore. I’ve learned to divide my calories really into 3 big groups + a snack, and then I’m ready to stop. I’ve learned how to tell when I’m hungry and when I’m bored. I’m drinking tons of water and am down to 1 soda/day and no coffee. I’m really hyper aware of not referring to things as “treats” or “cheating” because there is no such thing in Noom. Chocolate, while delicious, isn’t a treat now, it’s an occasional food that I fit into my plan. I’d really rather have a French Dip sandwich and enjoy it for lunch and then eat vegetables for dinner.

What I am is balanced. Part of why that’s happening is that these last pounds have come off so slowly, giving me time for my brain to catch up with my body. When I lost fast in the past, that was very hard to do because I thought I was the same person. Well, I was. But I’m not now. I’m more aware and prepared. I haven’t faced big challenges like parties but I’m confident that I can deal with them when they arise. Go Noom! Go me.


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Nooming in Isolation

One of the things I’m grateful for while under COVID Stay Home orders is that I’m on Noom and have enough time under my belt for it to have become a way of life before isolation started. That doesn’t mean it’s easy, and I know it’s far easier for me than for someone with others to cook for, or who are medical professionals now working insane schedules under intense pressure.

I asked my Goal Specialist to reset me to Week 1 when I realized I was blowing off DOING article work instead of just reading. I also wished that I’d known to start taking notes and journaling at the beginning of Noom and not two months in. I now have a beautiful journal at my side, with pen attached, and take notes as I work through the articles. Blogging is also a form of journaling but I’m making notes to myself in writing as I go.

The world has changed since January and COVID-related articles are included now. The basic ones are the same, but others talk about how to maintain mental health, making yourself a priority, and readjusting goals under changed circumstances. Sometimes working on behaviors and habits are more important than getting in a big workout (not that I ever did a big workout, but other people did).

Reading articles, planning meals, and logging my food provide a structure that continues what I was doing back when things were normal. They’re not things I’ve imposed on myself because of isolation, but they do help me in an otherwise fluid time. When our office was closed and I was working from home, I got work done but during different hours than in a pre-COVID work day, and I found myself getting all snacky and reaching for things that by themselves are not a problem but are when eaten in a fog.

My goals for last week and this week are to eliminate the snacking except as planned out, and go back to what worked in my Noom early days: sitting in early morning with a bottle of water and logging what I expect to eat at all my meals and snacks BEFORE I actually eat them. That gives me huge structure and a calm. I can plan for a Healthy Choice Fudge bar or a slider basket delivered from the club when I want to work in something special. When I follow this pattern, I feel in control and I lose. Win-win!

Every two weeks I make a huge batch of chunky applesauce in the crockpot to eat as a snack or mix with yogurt or oatmeal. I bought 5 lbs of 90% fat free ground beef at Sam’s on Friday when I went to pick up prescriptions, and will be making meat sauce today (love my crockpot!), as well as two batches of taco meat for the freezer and a package of browned meat with onions for some future recipe. I also have a rotisserie chicken to pull apart with meat for salads; some of that will go to the freezer, too, joining lots of meat, veggies, and fruit.

One thing I’m having trouble with is getting in my steps. While I’m not a gym rat, I really was enjoying being more active, and I miss at least getting in all my steps. Usually at work I’d make laps around the sanctuary a few times in a morning which helped, and would go to a big box store to go up and down the aisles even if I didn’t need to buy anything. I do better holding on to a cart or a treadmill than just walking on the streets of Emerald Bay, but I’m still getting 5K+ steps most days, even with flaring sciatica. Go me. I’ll be glad to have the gym again when it’s safe to go.

I know myself and know how I’ve reacted in the past to enforced stay home time for blizzards and surgical recovery. Usually I’d be eating all day long, feeling bloated and lethargic, and disappointed with myself. This much longer COVID time is different. I’m eating healthy, tracking my food, building in movement and meditation, and providing structure without making myself crazy.

Noom works for me, with daily readings and accountability steps. And as of this morning, I’ve lost 41 lbs since January, 8 lbs since COVID became something to factor. I’ve got this.


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Between a Medical Rock and a Hard Place

It’s hard enough to follow medical instructions when you only have one set of them.  Having more than one set puts us patients between a medical rock and a hard place.

For the last few weeks, I’ve been experiencing some dizziness when I bend down or stand up suddenly, plus headaches, lack of energy, and fatigue even though I’m getting at least 7 hours of sleep using my CPAP.   People at work have been asking if I’m okay because apparently I’m very pale.  I finally decided it was enough of a concern that I should get it checked out.

Yesterday I went to the health plan and got checked out. They took 4 vials of blood to run a battery of tests including checks on levels of B-12, vitamin D, potassium, and iron.  I was asked what I eat on a typical day and how much I usually drink (60-68 oz of water).  Even without seeing the lap results, the doctor said it seems my potassium and electrolyte levels are low, as well as probably my iron.  The things I know I’m doing right are protein and calcium, but I haven’t really figured out how to eat the right kinds of foods to give me nutritional balance in much less food and with the restrictions that come with the band. There’s a lot I can’t eat.

I was told that I should be drinking Gatorade in addition to my water, to increase my electrolytes, and having a glass of OJ in the morning.  While I adore OJ, the lapband people told me to avoid all juices and fruits because of the natural levels of sugars and carbs.   They want me eating about 40 gms carbs per day, which I haven’t begun to reach.  But since my last fill in late January, I’ve been working hard to keep my carbs lower than I did before – and now that I think on it, that’s when I started to feel dizzy and tired.

So what to do:  listen to the “whole body” doctor or the “lapband and weight loss” doctor?  No matter what, I’m going to be violating someone’s medical advice.  I called the lapband office to talk with a nurse, but found them pretty dismissive of me getting advice from anyone else, which made me more upset.  She called back 10 minutes later to say the surgeon wants to see me on Monday morning at 8am. Lab results won’t be back by then but being able to talk with him and not just nurses is a Good Thing.

I’m willing to follow a limited eating program.  I knew that was part of the deal when I got the band – and let’s be honest, it’s just necessary on any food plan.  I don’t expect to be able to eat everything I see or want.  But I want to feel better, have more energy, be more balanced even if it means the weight loss is slower.   I’ve lost 85 lbs at this point in under a year; it’s going to be slower from now on anyway.

I just wish the doctors would understand that I’m a person and not just a lapband or a set of numbers on a lab report.  It’s my job to remind them and figure this out for myself if they can’t come to terms amongst themselves.

Image source:  http://allergyasthma.wordpress.com


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I Think I’m Not Eating Enough

Vegetable PeopleI’ve been having trouble lately getting all my points in, and I gained a pound this week.  I’m not at all worried about that but I do need to analyze what I’m eating to see if there are patterns that need changing.  One factor – being unbalanced in getting in all my food groups.  Another is just not eating enough – I had almost 20 flex points left over this week and for me, that’s a sign that things are out of whack and a gain is likely.

One of the WW leaders talked with me and suggested that one way to change that up is to switch from no-fat to low-fat, or from low-fat to normal foods even while WHAT I eat remains the same.  I know that the Fage 2% tastes way better to me than the 0% and the full-fat version is out of this world.  Food with a little fat is simply more satisfying to me than the watery plain stuff.  It’s also real food with less processing and fewer chemicals, and that shows up in the taste.

I’m watching Alice Waters on 60 Minutes tonight, and she was just talking about the choices we make in life and how her choice is to eat food that’s just been picked, even though it’s more expensive.  Looking at my food bills, including today’s Peapod delivery, I know I spend a fortune on food.  People who think that it’s cheaper eating healthy food instead of cookies, etc., are crazy.

But I’m making it a priority to eat fresh, healthy food and a minimum of processed foods.  It helps that I don’t really even want them.  The only snack treat I buy now are those Hostess mini chocolate cupcakes, and Tootsie roll snack size. Each package = 1 point and provides enough of a chocolate treat to satisfy the sweet tooth.  No ice cream, no cookies, no 100-calorie packs (except the cupcakes).  I don’t want to be eating miniature versions of what I used to eat; I want to be eating different things that satisfy me.

It’s like an alien Anne has invaded Fat Anne’s body and is making herself at home.  Kinda weird but good.


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So let’s see, how’s it going?

I joined WW again weekend before last, finding a new meeting on Sunday morning that I really liked. The leader is supportive but not insanely perky and the meeting members were welcoming and participated a lot. I came home inspired to do well but of course that didn’t last all that long.

I’ve been eating lunch out a lot lately, getting together with colleagues from other libraries on campus. I managed okay for the first few but by Pad Thai day, I was losing it. I don’t care what the WW book says, a portion of Pad Thai is what they bring you on the plate. I wasn’t going to leave any behind – and didn’t. Of course that didn’t stop me from eating dinner anyway, albeit less than I might have otherwise.

I didn’t go to my meeting last Sunday because I’d forgotten that it was WW day. After not going on Sunday for a year, I just grabbed breakfast and a Diet Pepsi on autopilot No way i was going to get on a scale after that. Have I gone this week to make up for it? Nope. But I am tracking my points, as awful as they are. It’s part of the accountability thing that I’ve not paid enough attention to lately. No matter what, I’ll be at my meeting on Sunday morning.

Saturday I went to a local farm and bought tons of fresh veggies and fruit. There’s a big bowl of gazpacho in the fridge that I’ve been eating on for days. Tonight I roasted peppers, onions, and beets and they taste amazing. I always forget how wonderful they are and grouse about the time to chop, even though it’s not really that much work when I just do it.

It’s clear that I need to allocate more points for lunch than for dinner. That’s when I’m more likely to eat out, and it gives me more time when I’m vertical and moving to get it digested. Dinners will be salad with a protein or veggies with a frozen dinner – portion controlled and not so tasty that I want to keep eating it. No ice cream allowed in the house; pudding yogurt with fruit is a better idea and works in another dairy.

Meanwhile I’m sitting here and watching Top Chef reruns right up until the reunion show. There’s nothing like looking at people standing up for hours cooking exotic things to make me grab another bottle of water and put my feet up.