Random Thoughts of a Disordered Mind


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Oh Happy Day

Obama in WashingtonPresident Barack Obama.  It has a nice ring to it — and I’m so glad we have at least 4 years to say it.

In my part of the world, at least, no one got any work done.  I have some friends who made the trip to DC to be part of the (freezing cold) crowd but I was content to stay warm and watch on screen.  People watched in movie theaters, in auditoriums, on giant TVs in public places and streaming live on the web from our desktops.

I watched and listened on CNN and Facebook, which let me share comments with my friends while we shared the experience of the music, the words, the faces, the hope, the promise of change.  I admit having the Chief Justice, and then Obama, mangle the oath of office was distracting but never mind that.  It was just one part of a bigger whole.

And I was intrigued by small things:  the way 95 movers worked for 5 hours to whisk out the Bush’s belongings, and moving in and unpacking the Obama’s, all while they were at the swearing in and assorted Inaugural events.  Painting and transforming the Oval Office.  The White House website changing as soon as the oath was taken.  Sasha and Malia skipping up close to see their dad become president.

My family in Texas said it was just another day; no one was particularly interested in the inauguration, which makes sense since they didn’t vote for the new president.  We, however, did – and the enthusiasm that flowered during the campaign just settled into a big happy glow today.

The right man, the right time, the right office.  Oh Happy Day 🙂


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Feeling Happy and Productive

Me at Christmas 1962Yesterday I threw out years worth of WW weekly program booklets.  They’ve been collecting in a little basket since I joined in 2002 and I realized that I never went back to actually look at them.  While there is valuable info in the material, it’s not valuable if I don’t look at it.  Now it’s inside a dumpster and I have an empty little basket to use for other gizmos.

I haven’t been recording my food, eating many fruits or veggies, or carefully counting anything.  But I managed to lose a few pounds as of the day after Thanksgiving, which tells me that I’m doing something right.  I guess what I’m doing is a loose version of intuitive eating.  Having counted points diligently for years and being a reader of food labels, I have a pretty accurate idea of what options I am choosing. What I want is food that tastes good and is satisfying, even if it has more fat or whatevers in it.  I can eat some and be satisfied instead of feeling that I have to eat bunches of something with less taste.  Even if it’s “better for me” in the defined portion, I’d rather eat a portion of something that tastes better and then find I can stop.

It’s a change, I admit.  And I’m already anticipating with some dread the looks I’m going to get from people as I eat stuff that “fat people shouldn’t eat”.  But if this method keeps me from snacking all afternoon, or eating big ice cream servings in the evening, then so be it.  It’s obviously working.

This has been a very quiet low-key holiday, really more of a 4-day weekend.  Not spending the whole time at a family event that has a giant meal as the centerpiece of activity, and not having to worry about travel delays or whether the cat threw up on the carpet to pay me back for being gone, meant that I’ve had a restful time.

It’s been productive, too — I cleaned up (tidied, not deep cleaning) in advance of my friends’ visit on Friday.  Yesterday I roasted a chicken in the crockpot, made sweet potato/apple casserole, and a batch of chocolate chip cookies from one of those little plastic tubs in the grocery store.  I’ve had a few of them but mostly they’re in their plastic box to go along with lunches this week.  I also did a website conversion for a professional group.  The old one was done in FrontPage, which I don’t have, don’t like, and don’t plan to get, so everything had to be downloaded and converted to a different style.  Nothing exotic but it’s working.

Today I spent some time uploading and annotating Powerpoint slides to Flickr, to be viewed as a slideshow that can be an embedded link in a blog or web post.  Also because we’re doing a presentation on this exact thing, sometime this week I’m afraid (exactly day/time are a mystery), I needed to get it done.  I also played around with my iTunes and made a bunch of playlists.  When I uploaded my music to the new computer, the music stayed but the playlists did a disappearing act.  Oh well, a fresh start is a good idea.

The kitty is curled up in a little ball in the middle of the blanket on my bed.  Dishes are washed, clothes are clean and folded, and I’m warm inside while cold rain falls outside.  I’m glad to be home.


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Feeling Good about My Week

I tried the innovative step of staying on my food plan for the last seven days and lost a pound.  But really, I didn’t care what the scale said.  What mattered to me is that I just did it this week, follwing the plan without obsessing about food (seeing, tasting, eating, smelling, tracking, or regretting it).

I’ve been trying hard to not navel-gaze, as my friend Phyllis calls it.  It’s hard for me to do because I’ve spent most of my life worrying about food things and my frustration with my body and my eating habits.  And of course the result of what the eating actually does, which just gets me into an unhealthy spiral.  Yeah, I know all about the need to understand why I’m doing what I do so I can put new habits in place to change.

But honestly, what do I not know about my eating?   Not much.  My problem isn’t the not knowing, it’s having the self confidence and sense of commitment to myself to actually do something.  It’s a lifetime problem and it won’t be resolved overnight.  Which is fine.

What matters is that I remember each day why this is important, for my health, comfort and appearance.  I am a work in progress; today is just another step along the way.  I feel really good about how the week went and didn’t care all that much what the scale said.  I pretty much ate what I wanted, including a pad thai lunch and meals out with friends.  I read labels and made the choice to not eat some snacks and meals because I knew they weren’t worth the short-term taste.  I never felt deprived or overly hungry.

I feel good about myself today.