I think I’ve watched all of the episodes of CSI (the Las Vegas original) at least five times. They run every night on SpikeTV and sometimes there are marathons, just in case I want to watch (or listen, anyway) for hours. As a geekette myself, I love Grissom and his fairly clueless people skills, though I can live without the bugs.
Tonight they reran the episode of a death at a “hogs and heifers” event full of very large people swimming, dancing, and romancing. While the public faces wore happy smiles, the emotional vulnerability of the very large suspects made me cry. They talked about how they hooked up with someone who didn’t want to be seen with them in public but was willing to use them for sex. Tho the using went both ways: they thought it was all they could have.
At the end of the episode, Greg asked Grissom what got his juices going in terms of who he was attracted to. The reply? “Someone who doesn’t judge me.”
Yeah, that works for me. I don’t find it often, maybe because I’m so busy judging myself, and I carry that big “I’m Fat” chip on my shoulder. But hearing him say that, even though he’s just a character on a show, was a reminder of what’s possible.
Random Thoughts of a Disordered Mind 
I’ve somehow managed to go through life without ever seeing an episode of CSI, but there was a similar plotline on a Law and Order once and it broke my heart.
I’ve heard that voice inside my own head so many times…”I’ll just go along with this asshole guy because he’s the best I’m ever going to get, and when he figures out he can get better then he’ll move along and we’ll be friends”.
Because the Funny Fat Friend is something I do well, and I’m comfortable with. But it’s absolutely no way to live.
I think the self-imposed celibacy that goes along with finding out who you are and what you deserve in the world is such a sucky thing, but it’s nice to know it’s temporary and the rewards at the end are so much more worth it than yet another guy in the string of losers.
I’m going to have to watch for that episode on Spike.